Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
