The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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