She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
