I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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