Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
