Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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