At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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