every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
