hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize