i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
