I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
