Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
