This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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