Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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