Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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