I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
