she looked like the before picture.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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