The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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