You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize