If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
