please come you make the beer taste better
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
