I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize