The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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