dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
