i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
