Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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