im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
