Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
