i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
