I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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