Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
