well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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