She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
