Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
