I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
