Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
