You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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