in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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