I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
