we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
