He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think your dad took our porno
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize