I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
