giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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