And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
