so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
