so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
