Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
