I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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