My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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