I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
