you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
