Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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