I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
