mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
