...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
