do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
