Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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