the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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