I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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