You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
