we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
