I just pynch a tree in the face
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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