we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
