you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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