she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize