dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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