I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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